Why do we start conversations about democracy with the question, "what matters to you?"

The “Let's Talk Democracy” method relies strongly on asking people questions, and on a dynamic of spending more time listening than talking. We’ve already shown how this approach allows us to learn important things about the people we speak with at the booths, and to build mutual trust that provides a solid foundation for continued conversation.

But the method also contributes to our conversations in a much more direct way, because it helps us connect them to the things that really matter to the people with whom we speak—to the things they see as important.

This week, we’ll demonstrate exactly what that means through one long conversation that answers the question: How can a conversation that begins with the question “What matters to you?” become a meaningful conversation about democracy and active citizenship?

This is a conversation I personally had a few weeks ago at the Bat Yam booth, together with another volunteer named Rina:

🌷 “Today, Rina and I had one of the most successful first conversations I’ve ever had at the booth. A woman named Irena stopped. We asked her our classic opening questions: ‘What worries you? What’s important to you?’ She immediately answered that what concerns her most is the cost of living. That everything has become so expensive, and that it’s impossible to buy an apartment.

She has been living in Israel for 14 years. I asked her if she votes in elections. She said she doesn’t understand politics, so she asks people who know more, and they tell her who she should vote for. I asked her, ‘What do they base their recommendations on? I mean, do you tell them what’s important to you, and they recommend someone accordingly?’

🌷 Then she told me that ahead of the local elections, she consulted with her daughter. They both agreed that in recent years, since the mayor of Bat Yam changed, things had improved—the kindergartens were better, the public spaces were better maintained—so they decided to vote for the current mayor.

I told her that I thought this was a very sound consideration, and that I agreed that the current mayor was doing a good job (I live in Bat Yam too).”

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Then I asked her, “And what about the national elections?”

As soon as I asked that, she started talking about the October 7 attack, and about how it didn’t make sense to her that if our military is so strong, there could have been such a major failure. So, she reasoned, there must have been some kind of conspiracy involved (from within, or maybe by the Americans?)

🌷 At this point, I could have argued with her, or tried to convince her that this was a false conspiracy theory. But if I had done that, she would have dug in and become defensive, and the conversation wouldn’t have gone anywhere. So I made a strategic decision not to get into that argument at all.

I told her we could come back to it later if she wanted, but that first I just wanted to point out something I had noticed: when I asked her at the beginning of the conversation what was important to her, she said “the cost of living.” But when we started talking about national elections, she didn’t think about that at all—instead, she immediately shifted to talking about the Palestinian issue. I told her that I think this is something we all tend to do here in Israel—to approach national elections as though they are only about that one issue, without even thinking about what the candidates intend to do about the other issues that matter to us.

That really made her stop and think.

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🌷 I don’t remember exactly what I asked after that, but at some point she said something along the lines of, “Okay, let’s say I sat down, wrote a detailed list of everything that matters to me, and took it with me to the elections. Who’s going to listen to me? Why would anyone care?”

In response, I said something along the lines of, “It's true that politicians right now aren’t interested in what matters to us, because we’ve all gotten used to elections being decided according to right versus left.”

But Rina said something better. She said, “We care. We’re listening.”

And that really made an impression on Irena.

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Then we talked about how, ahead of elections, each party has a platform in which it sets out its position on all kinds of issues. Irena said, “How can I get this information? I don’t understand these things.”

I told her that one of the things we’re considering doing ahead of the elections is bringing the platforms of all the parties to the booth, so that people can come and talk about them with us. She thought it sounded like a good idea, but she said, “Yes, but you’re only here. How will that help people who don’t live nearby?”

I replied that we’re not the only booth, that before the war we already had 50 booths, and that our goal is eventually to have 1,000, all across the country.

She said that would be wonderful, because without us, people just sit and think about these things by themselves in their kitchens, and there’s no opportunity like the one we gave her to actually talk about them and think them through. 😊

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This example shows that sometimes, for a conversation to be productive, we don’t even need to share our own opinions. We just need to ask the right questions and direct the other person’s attention to what they think. As Irena said, a conversation at the booth creates an opportunity to pause and reflect—to really think and talk about things that not everyone is used to discussing with other people. And that alone can lead to change—in opinions, perceptions, and behavior. 🌼